From laughsend.net...
Pisces
19 February - 20 March
"The worry you're feeling is unnecessary...because you can't avoid the horrors that await. Electronics and machinery will start to misbehave for you today."
I love this horoscope because it doesn't sugar coat anything--it's all tits-to-the-wind and shit. It says that bad crap happens all the time to everyone and you can't avoid it.
I had a boyfriend once, James Brewer, and nothing bad ever happened to him. Seriously. He was not a risk-taker at all and he believed that by not being a risk-taker, nothing bad would ever happen to him. He just made sure bad things happened to those around him--mainly me. Like the time he dumped me after cheating on me whilst on location in Vancouver. Nice guy.
Not only did anything bad ever happen to him, he was BORING. And he had gray teeth--a result of taking Tetracycline for bad skin from the time he was a gawky teen in Fresno to well in his late-20s in LA. These were the pre-Proactive days folks. Plus, he had those awful leather couches--popular with lesbians and straight bachelors. Then, there was the time he thought I had something to do with the Northridge Earthquake. I know--it still baffles me. Try to wrap your head around that concept but don't think about it too much because you might end up miming on State St. somewhere--probably in front of H&M or Garrett's Popcorn.
Oh, and James thought he resembled Howie Long--um, dream on sweet pea. Nothing like a boring dude with delusions of grandeur. His parents were nice though. I wonder how they are from time to time.
But I digress...
"...because you can't avoid the horrors that await."
This could also mean that I'm going to get sick after my flu shot today. I always, always get sick after my flu shot, usually in the form of laryngitis. Good thing I'm not working right now because it would be bad to be a non-talking reporter. But, it would be fun to talk to a source a la Marceau Marcel. I could do the whole 'caught in a box' routine and 'the leaning up against a post' bit which would result in my untimely demise because, let's face it: Everybody hates mimes.
Plus, I think some of my friends and acquaintances would be happy to not have to listen to me yammer on and on and on so a mute Jules might be a good thing.
"Electronics and machinery will start to misbehave for you today."
I should hope so because that would be in-sync with the rest of my life these days. But, since I'll be a mime soon, I won't need the magical world of electronics and machinery to communicate for me. I can just mime things from now on. Come to think of it, I think James was a mime in a former life.
From Weird Al. The Best Horoscope to Date.
Pisces
I love this horoscope because it doesn't sugar coat anything--it's all tits-to-the-wind and shit. It says that bad crap happens all the time to everyone and you can't avoid it.
I had a boyfriend once, James Brewer, and nothing bad ever happened to him. Seriously. He was not a risk-taker at all and he believed that by not being a risk-taker, nothing bad would ever happen to him. He just made sure bad things happened to those around him--mainly me. Like the time he dumped me after cheating on me whilst on location in Vancouver. Nice guy.
Not only did anything bad ever happen to him, he was BORING. And he had gray teeth--a result of taking Tetracycline for bad skin from the time he was a gawky teen in Fresno to well in his late-20s in LA. These were the pre-Proactive days folks. Plus, he had those awful leather couches--popular with lesbians and straight bachelors. Then, there was the time he thought I had something to do with the Northridge Earthquake. I know--it still baffles me. Try to wrap your head around that concept but don't think about it too much because you might end up miming on State St. somewhere--probably in front of H&M or Garrett's Popcorn.
Oh, and James thought he resembled Howie Long--um, dream on sweet pea. Nothing like a boring dude with delusions of grandeur. His parents were nice though. I wonder how they are from time to time.
But I digress...
"...because you can't avoid the horrors that await."
This could also mean that I'm going to get sick after my flu shot today. I always, always get sick after my flu shot, usually in the form of laryngitis. Good thing I'm not working right now because it would be bad to be a non-talking reporter. But, it would be fun to talk to a source a la Marceau Marcel. I could do the whole 'caught in a box' routine and 'the leaning up against a post' bit which would result in my untimely demise because, let's face it: Everybody hates mimes.
Plus, I think some of my friends and acquaintances would be happy to not have to listen to me yammer on and on and on so a mute Jules might be a good thing.
"Electronics and machinery will start to misbehave for you today."
I should hope so because that would be in-sync with the rest of my life these days. But, since I'll be a mime soon, I won't need the magical world of electronics and machinery to communicate for me. I can just mime things from now on. Come to think of it, I think James was a mime in a former life.
From Weird Al. The Best Horoscope to Date.
Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
-- Weird Al, "Your Horoscope For Today"
1 comment:
ok... i'm a virgo. i might just be the horror you can't avoid.
btw... funny you should mention mimes. spence sometimes adopts wacky personas to get better tips. today he was speaking with a british accent, but he was thinking about switching it up and pretending to be a mute, and just "miming" his way through deliveries.
Lori
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