Well, I've emerged from my lair long enough to sniff the air and realize that things are just better underground. At least for the next few months or so.
Also, whilst underground, I perfected my Sammy Davis Jr impression. Now, I just need to marry a Swedish girl, get my own Rat Pack, lose an eye in a bizarre eye vs dashboard incident and get a glass one, learn how to scat and resurrect Flip Wilson.
I've also had the opportunity to look at more horoscopes and there's just too much fodder to ignore. The encroaching holiday season has brought out the crappy, phony holiday advice so I must oblige by writing about it all.
Plus, my old college pal, Eric Smith, emailed me over the weekend and said he really enjoyed my daily horoscope. He likes 'em, he really, really likes 'em!
So, I sauntered back to the Chicago Sun-Times for some guidance.
PISCES by Georgia Nicols: "(Feb. 19-March 20): Be cautious in your study of religious, spiritual or occult ideas today because you might jump on the wrong bandwagon or suddenly embrace a cult or something like that. ("Go to the light!") When your head's in the clouds, you gotta keep your feet on the ground. Capiche?"
What's Barbara Walters yammering on and on and on about this morning? The Pregnant Man? Really? Whatever. Get back to the Obama pooch predictions already--that's what's really important.
Back to the horoscope.
"Be cautious in your study of religious, spiritual or occult ideas today because you might jump on the wrong bandwagon or suddenly embrace a cult or something like that."
Question: Are most horoscope readers completely mindless? Do they have to be cautioned by Ms. Nicols about everything? Or are these first words a cautionary tale about what happened in Guyana 30 years ago? Hmm..I'm thinkin' some horoscope readers are spineless, with the exception of yours truly here. The thought of me embracing some religious, spriritual or occult makes me laugh aloud and makes those who know me laugh even harder. Seriously, can you actually picture Jules embracing the talking snake, lovin' and learnin' about Thetans or saying that the Christian god is better than all other gods, deities, sacred statuary, etc?
Pa-ha! Not. Gonna. Happen.
So, Ms. Nicols, relax your sphincter. You don't have to worry about me jumping "...on the wrong bandwagon or suddenly embrace a cult or something like that." Especially if it means drinking purple Kool Aid. Or giving all of my money 'in the name of God.' Or shaving my head and getting my ears surgically altered to resemble those of our Vulcan brethren.
"When your head's in the clouds, you gotta keep your feet on the ground."
What--is she lifting her material from Kasey Kasem now? I'm so telling on her. I hear Kasey's allegedly kranky enough to possible sue someone for lifting his signature line, even if they re-work the lines a little bit here and there.
"Capiche?" Oy.
