Meaning, I left the business before I could say I work in an industry that is responsible for catapulting Jessica Simpson to stardom and allowing Deuce Bigelow 3 to be made. First off, why oh sweet Moses why is Jessica Simpson even allowed out of whatever hick state she hails from? This woman has absolutely nothing to offer, except for blond hair (I'm sure the carpet doesn't match the drapes) and her two co-stars. But, besides her physical 'attributes', her stardom is inexplicable. Also, she has a creepy family which is de rigeur for any Hollywood starlet. Just read any new tabloid and you'll see the whole Lindsay Lohan family drama splashed all over the recycled paper pages. Jessica's father is a creepy Russ Meyer version of Henry Higgins who appears to be obsessed with his two daughters (don't worry, Ashlee's not safe from me), is a big Christian, but in every photo with Jessica, he's staring at her rack. Quelle charmante. The kind of relationship all of us gals want with our dads. Something to strive for. But, I digress...What was I talking about? Oh yes, weird families.
That leads me to Ashlee Simpson, the even less talented Simpson sister. Wait. I just saw what I wrote..is that even possible to be less talented than Jessica?? Even some of the rejects from "Uzbekistan Idol" are more talented than Ash. I am at a loss about what to write about her. I can't believe it, but I am blocked.
I think the whole family drama angle is cooked up by PR folks to make us naive Americans believe (the ones who live east of Palm Springs and west of Buffalo) that these starlets are gosh, so much like us! They even have family problems. However, these PR geniuses fail to realize that our families are not trying to scam us out of millions of hard earned dollars earned while making the remakes of "Parent Trap" (a guilty pleasure of mine..the remake) and "Herbie", and yes, "Dukes of Hazzard". Technically, "Dukes" is not a remake, it's a blowup TO the big screen..among other things. You know, come to think of it, I do think my parents are trying to scam me. I mean, my dad wanted to borrow my car to run errands the other day. The nerve! I mean, come on! I don't care if your car is in the shop and your back hurts. Call a cab or better yet, walk! Sheesh! 10,000 steps/day=overall fitness. I just know my mom is trying to scam me out of the last lilac colored Mossimo tank top I bought at Target. I really think she is. She keeps asking if I'm going to return it. Yeah, sure lady. Get your own damn $7 top. Thou shalt not covet thy daughter's clothes.
Back to Hollywood...well, I'll write more later. My mom and I have hired a mediator to help solve who really found that dollar bill on the sidewalk.
Friday, August 05, 2005
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