Recently, I covered the Cook County board meeting for a story. Yep, I know, snoresville. Having never covered one of these meetings before, I didn't know what to expect. I do know this though..I'm gonna need a caffeine drip if I ever attend another one of those meetings. But, I did learn lots.
Here's what I observed-
Cook County Commissioner John P. Daley (Hizzoner's little brother) is the boss of the county board. During the summer, I had the opportunity to ask Commissioner Daley a few questions about the John Stroger's appointment of his son, Todd, to run for Cook County Board President in his place. I had never been that close to a Daley family member before so it was kind of intimidating until I was about an arm's length away from him. He's tiny. So tiny, that he had to look up to me when I asked him a question. I'm not that tall, (5'8), he's just that tiny. Plus, he looks just like his late father.
It's patently obvious that Tony Peraica is running for something (duh). Every issue that was brought up, well Tony just had to say something. Hey, he's a politician running for one of the most powerful jobs in the country. Yes, the country. If Cook County was a state, it would be the 17th largest in the nation. The county court and jail system is the largest in the nation. It has a bigger budget than Wyoming, Montana and Idaho-hovering somewhere around $3billion for 5.6 million people.
Anyhoo, back to Tony. He's an interesting guy. He makes wine and is some sort of musician. Plus, he was an orphan in Croatia and moved here when he was a wee one. He's a Republican and here's the kicker, he probably has a chance at winning the presidency. There are enough county residents who are furious at Stroger and Co. for treating their constituents (read: Democrats) like crap and are willing to cast their votes in favor of Peraica, in order to screw over the Todd-ler.
Now, here are a few things about Peraica that many dems are not paying attention to. He's anti-choice and has said on a few occasions that he would probably cut abortion funding at county hospitals. Not good. Also, he's anti-gay, but the Log Cabin Republicans are endorsing him. That, I just don't get and I'm waiting to interview the head of the Chicago chapter of the LCR. When I find out what their reasoning is, I'll let you know. Finally, he's pro-gun. Not a big shocker seeing that he's a Republican and all. I think it's time for the voters to, I don't know, edumacate themselves before they hit the polls on Nov. 7.
Forrest Claypool didn't say a word during the meeting. Not surprising because he's probably still pissed off that he didn't beat John Stroger back in March. I don't blame him. He should've won-he's not as nearly corrupt as John Stroger was or is. (he's still non-compis mentis, right?).
The seats in the chambers are real uncomfy.
It's really hot in the county building.
There are alot of weirdos at county board meetings.
And finally, like the title of this entry says, Stephanie Huls is the coolest girl in the class.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Back to School
No, I'm not referring to that Rodney Dangerfield opus that was shot at my alma mater, but I have returned to school, as a grad student.
It's been years since I've been in school full-time and I've noticed quite a few things during my first week, for instance...kids smoke alot more today than when I was in college. We're talkin' buttloads more. I've never seen anything like it. I can kinda understand the wanting to smoking to stay thin, or rather corpse-like thin, but these days it's ridiculous. Sure, I tried smoking when I was a co-ed. Hell, it looked cool to be an underager in a bar in LA, smoking Camels and sipping Budweiser (cheap beer, didn't know any better, and oh, SHUT UP!). But, when I couldn't breathe during crew practice and that whole pesky asthma thingy, I decided it would be best if just let my Camels loose. As for hooch/maryjane/mother nature's hair, well I plead the Fifth.
Which leads me to my next observation. Kids are fatter-not in any of my grad classes though. Now, I could stand to lose a few pounds too but there are lots of chunky college folks-men and women. Those who are smoking to keep their weight down will probably succeed but I wouldn't be surprised if, by the time they hit 30, they're carrying around an oxygen tank. Always a good look and I've even seen a few tanks with custom made cozies to cover up the obvious tank appearance. Those who are smoking to get thin, well, news flash. It ain't working. All the smoking is doing is upping their chances of having a heart attack. Something to shoot for: a quadruple bypass for a 25th birthday present.
Next would be tats and piercings. Guess it's a generational thing. I'm all for self-expression and some tats are beautiful, but I would have a hard time giving a possible applicant a job if they have tats on their necks and other exposed areas(unless the job is at either a tattoo parlor or record store). Seriously though, what is attractive about the big-ass holes in the ear lobes? Like the ones that mimic the Yanomami of the Amazon? Those indians sport Moe Howard haircuts and tie their wee-wees in slings- both looks I'm glad the youth of America hasn't glommed onto.
I shouldn't be too harsh though since mullets and the Flock of Seagulls haircuts were considered foxy when I was in college.
Computers and all that they represent. Gosh, I really wish we had them when I was an undergrad. The internet would've been a grand thing then, but knowing how much I love it, I probably wouldn't have graduated at all.
Cuter clothes. So much cuter than leggings, long sweaters and pointy-anointy flats. Wait..that look is actually making a comeback. Something we can all do without, except the pointy-anointy flats-I love mine.
Some fashion should remain in the 80s vault and then blasted into oblivion.
Cooler school supplies and dorm decor. I had Marimekko sheets, blankets and towels (courtesy of Crate & Barrel) up the whazoo. Now, there's all this cool crap from Target and Urban Outfitters (a store which made an appearance spring semester of my senior year). Trapper Keepers are a rare siting these days. Instead, there are cool folders with funky colors. Sharpies in every imaginable color. I can't get enough of them. Sometimes I line them up according to color and marvel at the beautiful sight in front of me. That, my friends, is pure heaven.
Textbooks are still silly expensive but it's easier to buy used ones courtesy of eBay and Amazon.
Tuition..oy. It's incredible how expensive school is these days. I didn't believe it until I applied for FAFSA loans. Thanks to our wingnut President and his minions, it's harder to get decent loans. AND, they've cut the loans and grants so there ain't much there to get! Lovely! Makes lots of sense to keep the poor uneducated since they won't have the smarts to figure out how this Administration is screwing them royally. However, I'm pretty sure the poor have an idea of what W is doing.
Another entry for another time.
Time to hit the books. I am glad to see the classics are still around. I have to read Mike Royko's "Boss Richard J. Daley of Chicago". I read this book in high school but it's fun to read it again. Also, I was encouraged to see a student in the bookstore line with two plays by Shakespeare and Kenneth Anger's "Hollywood Babylon" in her pile of books. Glad to see the classics still have a place in this society.
It's been years since I've been in school full-time and I've noticed quite a few things during my first week, for instance...kids smoke alot more today than when I was in college. We're talkin' buttloads more. I've never seen anything like it. I can kinda understand the wanting to smoking to stay thin, or rather corpse-like thin, but these days it's ridiculous. Sure, I tried smoking when I was a co-ed. Hell, it looked cool to be an underager in a bar in LA, smoking Camels and sipping Budweiser (cheap beer, didn't know any better, and oh, SHUT UP!). But, when I couldn't breathe during crew practice and that whole pesky asthma thingy, I decided it would be best if just let my Camels loose. As for hooch/maryjane/mother nature's hair, well I plead the Fifth.
Which leads me to my next observation. Kids are fatter-not in any of my grad classes though. Now, I could stand to lose a few pounds too but there are lots of chunky college folks-men and women. Those who are smoking to keep their weight down will probably succeed but I wouldn't be surprised if, by the time they hit 30, they're carrying around an oxygen tank. Always a good look and I've even seen a few tanks with custom made cozies to cover up the obvious tank appearance. Those who are smoking to get thin, well, news flash. It ain't working. All the smoking is doing is upping their chances of having a heart attack. Something to shoot for: a quadruple bypass for a 25th birthday present.
Next would be tats and piercings. Guess it's a generational thing. I'm all for self-expression and some tats are beautiful, but I would have a hard time giving a possible applicant a job if they have tats on their necks and other exposed areas(unless the job is at either a tattoo parlor or record store). Seriously though, what is attractive about the big-ass holes in the ear lobes? Like the ones that mimic the Yanomami of the Amazon? Those indians sport Moe Howard haircuts and tie their wee-wees in slings- both looks I'm glad the youth of America hasn't glommed onto.
I shouldn't be too harsh though since mullets and the Flock of Seagulls haircuts were considered foxy when I was in college.
Computers and all that they represent. Gosh, I really wish we had them when I was an undergrad. The internet would've been a grand thing then, but knowing how much I love it, I probably wouldn't have graduated at all.
Cuter clothes. So much cuter than leggings, long sweaters and pointy-anointy flats. Wait..that look is actually making a comeback. Something we can all do without, except the pointy-anointy flats-I love mine.
Some fashion should remain in the 80s vault and then blasted into oblivion.
Cooler school supplies and dorm decor. I had Marimekko sheets, blankets and towels (courtesy of Crate & Barrel) up the whazoo. Now, there's all this cool crap from Target and Urban Outfitters (a store which made an appearance spring semester of my senior year). Trapper Keepers are a rare siting these days. Instead, there are cool folders with funky colors. Sharpies in every imaginable color. I can't get enough of them. Sometimes I line them up according to color and marvel at the beautiful sight in front of me. That, my friends, is pure heaven.
Textbooks are still silly expensive but it's easier to buy used ones courtesy of eBay and Amazon.
Tuition..oy. It's incredible how expensive school is these days. I didn't believe it until I applied for FAFSA loans. Thanks to our wingnut President and his minions, it's harder to get decent loans. AND, they've cut the loans and grants so there ain't much there to get! Lovely! Makes lots of sense to keep the poor uneducated since they won't have the smarts to figure out how this Administration is screwing them royally. However, I'm pretty sure the poor have an idea of what W is doing.
Another entry for another time.
Time to hit the books. I am glad to see the classics are still around. I have to read Mike Royko's "Boss Richard J. Daley of Chicago". I read this book in high school but it's fun to read it again. Also, I was encouraged to see a student in the bookstore line with two plays by Shakespeare and Kenneth Anger's "Hollywood Babylon" in her pile of books. Glad to see the classics still have a place in this society.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Found: The Scream
Edvard Munch's 'The Scream' has been found today after being swiped from the Munch Museum in Oslo some two years ago. Guess it was found in pretty good condition. Guess it coulda been much worse.
Now, "The Scream" isn't my favorite piece of artwork, but it is a significant piece. I do have respect for it, of course, but that's due to Gary Larsen's (Far Side) "Weiner Dog Art". If you haven't seen it, just picture a weiner dog as the screamer in the picture. The image invokes laughter from even the most serious of art snobs. It's classic and much more interesting than 'Dogs Playing Pool' or that white dude with the afro who paints fluffy clouds and furry green trees.
Personally, I was hoping that "The Scream" would end up, years later at a Flea Market in Blue Lake, California. Someone would buy it for say, 20 bucks and it would hang in some rec room next to a Pabst Blue Ribbon neon sign or on a wall painted to look like Pink Floyd's 'Dark Side of the Moon'.
Now, that's where it really belongs.
Now, "The Scream" isn't my favorite piece of artwork, but it is a significant piece. I do have respect for it, of course, but that's due to Gary Larsen's (Far Side) "Weiner Dog Art". If you haven't seen it, just picture a weiner dog as the screamer in the picture. The image invokes laughter from even the most serious of art snobs. It's classic and much more interesting than 'Dogs Playing Pool' or that white dude with the afro who paints fluffy clouds and furry green trees.
Personally, I was hoping that "The Scream" would end up, years later at a Flea Market in Blue Lake, California. Someone would buy it for say, 20 bucks and it would hang in some rec room next to a Pabst Blue Ribbon neon sign or on a wall painted to look like Pink Floyd's 'Dark Side of the Moon'.
Now, that's where it really belongs.
Friday, August 25, 2006
A temp's progress
I quit a temp job yesterday.
I now have a list of requirements for working at ANY temp job:
1) the boss is not allowed to pee with the bathroom door open even if the light is out in said room. Boss should move his butt down to the basement where there is a perfectly clean bathroom. OR, better yet, use the sales center bathroom. It's clean, quiet and it has a ventilation fan. Also, it is well-stocked with hand towels and SOAP. You read it right, SOAP. (see point #9)
2) fellow workers are not allowed to take anything off of my desk. That goes for my lunch in the fridge too.
3) I should never have to call and threaten a sub-contractor/vendor, or 'be a bitch' to get them to move quicker. These subs do have other clients and are not going to drop everything even if we are a big client.
4) I am not a maid. Yes, I realize that many women are maids and get paid to do it, but I am not one of them. I don't care if you're Latino and your women clean when you command them to. Good for them.
5) I do not make coffee. I bring my own in. Yes, I am a woman (and I don't need to be reminded when asked to do a 'womanly' task), but that is not a job we're born to do. Make your own damn coffee, if you can read, you can make coffee.
6) Swearing isn't a problem for me. In fact, I don't trust those who don't swear. I just don't like it done in a voice that could crack crystal, in front of others or at me --for no other reason except 'that's just the way you are-a blowhard'.
7) if you have family members who are working with you, you should probably let your other employees know that family members are always right AND can do no wrong--no matter what. Even your septuagenarian, partially deaf father-who is, by the way, a nice man.
8) The C-word is never acceptable. EVER.
9) Wash your hands after the using the bathroom. Is this something that needs to be explained? Really?
10) Workers should throw away their own meal scraps/garbage seeing that the garbage cans are RIGHT NEXT TO THE TABLE.
11) I don't need to be 'turned into a bitch to get what I want' or rather what the boss wants. It's just not in my character and telling me on a daily basis to be 'bitchy' just makes me be nicer to those I'm supposed to yell at. You get more flies with honey.
12) This is important: telling your wife I'm a 60 something lesbian rather than a 40-year old heterosexual woman in order to keep the peace at home, is completely ridiculous. Ludicrous. I don't care how jealous she is, but she has to learn how to deal.
13) Sitting at my desk on days that I am not there is fine. But, if you eat your meals there, throw out the trash (see point #10).
14) Asking me to look up tattoo ideas on the net for you or your homies(your word choice, not mine) is not in my job description.
15) Calling me a 'puta' when I explain that I can't look up tat ideas is unacceptable.
16) Telling me about the 4 DUIs you have and how you're going to 'shoot your lawyer' if he doesn't make the case go away is not something I take lightly especially since you're a convicted felon at the tender age of 24. You were driving while drunk (in a car you stole, mind you). You got caught. It's no one's fault but your own.
17) Suggesting that the reason I am not married to a white guy is because I'm too picky is a just a big bowl of wrong. Telling me that if I were thinner I'd have a white husband. Please..find a tall building and jump off of it. I hear the Sears Tower is perfect for this kind of activity.
18) Telling anal sex jokes that involve the use of Snickers bars is so wrong on so many levels. Oh, and they're not funny. None of your jokes are. One more thing: laughing at your own jokes DOES NOT make them funny.
21) Shutting off a tenant's AC because she's a 'hot white chick who's f*cking an N-word [sic]' to 'punish' her. Well, you should go to jail. Directly to jail since you're a poor excuse for a human being. I was sorry to hear that you have reproduced several times.
22) Reminding me that we live in Chicago when I'm reading the NYT is not clever. I do wish my evil stares could do actual, physical evil.
Now, I am not a perfect employee-far from it. No one is, but there is only so much someone should put up with. Not for any money. Mainly, not for $12/hour.
I now have a list of requirements for working at ANY temp job:
1) the boss is not allowed to pee with the bathroom door open even if the light is out in said room. Boss should move his butt down to the basement where there is a perfectly clean bathroom. OR, better yet, use the sales center bathroom. It's clean, quiet and it has a ventilation fan. Also, it is well-stocked with hand towels and SOAP. You read it right, SOAP. (see point #9)
2) fellow workers are not allowed to take anything off of my desk. That goes for my lunch in the fridge too.
3) I should never have to call and threaten a sub-contractor/vendor, or 'be a bitch' to get them to move quicker. These subs do have other clients and are not going to drop everything even if we are a big client.
4) I am not a maid. Yes, I realize that many women are maids and get paid to do it, but I am not one of them. I don't care if you're Latino and your women clean when you command them to. Good for them.
5) I do not make coffee. I bring my own in. Yes, I am a woman (and I don't need to be reminded when asked to do a 'womanly' task), but that is not a job we're born to do. Make your own damn coffee, if you can read, you can make coffee.
6) Swearing isn't a problem for me. In fact, I don't trust those who don't swear. I just don't like it done in a voice that could crack crystal, in front of others or at me --for no other reason except 'that's just the way you are-a blowhard'.
7) if you have family members who are working with you, you should probably let your other employees know that family members are always right AND can do no wrong--no matter what. Even your septuagenarian, partially deaf father-who is, by the way, a nice man.
8) The C-word is never acceptable. EVER.
9) Wash your hands after the using the bathroom. Is this something that needs to be explained? Really?
10) Workers should throw away their own meal scraps/garbage seeing that the garbage cans are RIGHT NEXT TO THE TABLE.
11) I don't need to be 'turned into a bitch to get what I want' or rather what the boss wants. It's just not in my character and telling me on a daily basis to be 'bitchy' just makes me be nicer to those I'm supposed to yell at. You get more flies with honey.
12) This is important: telling your wife I'm a 60 something lesbian rather than a 40-year old heterosexual woman in order to keep the peace at home, is completely ridiculous. Ludicrous. I don't care how jealous she is, but she has to learn how to deal.
13) Sitting at my desk on days that I am not there is fine. But, if you eat your meals there, throw out the trash (see point #10).
14) Asking me to look up tattoo ideas on the net for you or your homies(your word choice, not mine) is not in my job description.
15) Calling me a 'puta' when I explain that I can't look up tat ideas is unacceptable.
16) Telling me about the 4 DUIs you have and how you're going to 'shoot your lawyer' if he doesn't make the case go away is not something I take lightly especially since you're a convicted felon at the tender age of 24. You were driving while drunk (in a car you stole, mind you). You got caught. It's no one's fault but your own.
17) Suggesting that the reason I am not married to a white guy is because I'm too picky is a just a big bowl of wrong. Telling me that if I were thinner I'd have a white husband. Please..find a tall building and jump off of it. I hear the Sears Tower is perfect for this kind of activity.
18) Telling anal sex jokes that involve the use of Snickers bars is so wrong on so many levels. Oh, and they're not funny. None of your jokes are. One more thing: laughing at your own jokes DOES NOT make them funny.
21) Shutting off a tenant's AC because she's a 'hot white chick who's f*cking an N-word [sic]' to 'punish' her. Well, you should go to jail. Directly to jail since you're a poor excuse for a human being. I was sorry to hear that you have reproduced several times.
22) Reminding me that we live in Chicago when I'm reading the NYT is not clever. I do wish my evil stares could do actual, physical evil.
Now, I am not a perfect employee-far from it. No one is, but there is only so much someone should put up with. Not for any money. Mainly, not for $12/hour.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Coulda
I wish I could...
-hit a one-handed backhand well
-jump like the Bionic Woman
-read minds
-make chapatis
-stop eating sugar cold turkey
-figure out where the phrase 'cold turkey' came from
-perform an exorcism
-wear a strapless dress (my boobs are too big to pull it off)
-live in London
-understand the fascination with "Desperate Housewives"
-have the dulcet tones of Carl Kassel wake me up every morning. Something along the lines of "Wakey Wakey Sleeping Beauty".
-touch John Travolta's butt chin
-write a song as profound as 'Disco Duck'
-get more Elvis Buddhas
-wear actual x-ray glasses
-sew
-understand the allure of Blue Man Group
-hit a one-handed backhand well
-jump like the Bionic Woman
-read minds
-make chapatis
-stop eating sugar cold turkey
-figure out where the phrase 'cold turkey' came from
-perform an exorcism
-wear a strapless dress (my boobs are too big to pull it off)
-live in London
-understand the fascination with "Desperate Housewives"
-have the dulcet tones of Carl Kassel wake me up every morning. Something along the lines of "Wakey Wakey Sleeping Beauty".
-touch John Travolta's butt chin
-write a song as profound as 'Disco Duck'
-get more Elvis Buddhas
-wear actual x-ray glasses
-sew
-understand the allure of Blue Man Group
Things that I love..
cereal for dinner
driving a 5-speed car
cleaning out the lint trap of my dryer
those new VW Jetta commercials with the crashing n' stuff
Chicken Chalupas
my nephew Ben's first tooth
Will Shortz
the Pasadena Freeway
the nightly hermit crab parade on St. John
the Ultimate Fighter
the new Gap commercials-mainly the part where the gal 'spins' from a pencil skirt to a mini. How does that happen?
Claritin Redi-Tabs
skinny dipping
autumn in Illinois
warm days and cool nights..the kind of nights that are good for sleeping
the late Jim Backus
Santa Ana winds
beating the crap out of a heavy bag
patagonia underpants
the word 'underpants'
making strangers laugh
making strippers laugh
chinua achebe
not having to teach film any more
oreos
chinese deco rugs
driving a 5-speed car
cleaning out the lint trap of my dryer
those new VW Jetta commercials with the crashing n' stuff
Chicken Chalupas
my nephew Ben's first tooth
Will Shortz
the Pasadena Freeway
the nightly hermit crab parade on St. John
the Ultimate Fighter
the new Gap commercials-mainly the part where the gal 'spins' from a pencil skirt to a mini. How does that happen?
Claritin Redi-Tabs
skinny dipping
autumn in Illinois
warm days and cool nights..the kind of nights that are good for sleeping
the late Jim Backus
Santa Ana winds
beating the crap out of a heavy bag
patagonia underpants
the word 'underpants'
making strangers laugh
making strippers laugh
chinua achebe
not having to teach film any more
oreos
chinese deco rugs
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Fashion Cacophony pt. 2
-dark lip liner over light lipstick..it's still around and that look may prompt me to go on a tri-state crime spree.
-wearing makeup while working out.
-hair extensions that are almost taller than the woman wearing them
-the leggings under short skirts come-back. i like the gap commercials that show this 'new' look but even though it is a new century and gap has a fun ad campaign, the leggings under the jean skirt is still a bad fashion statement
-the hair don't that's still around..messy in the back of the head and finely 'coiffed' in the front. it's usually frosted to hell.
-I've said it a thousand times...dreadlocks on white people, dreadlocks on white people, on white people...dreadlocks.
-jeans with the cuffs turned up to just below the knee
As the season progresses, I'm sure I'll have more. Until then, Ta ta!
-wearing makeup while working out.
-hair extensions that are almost taller than the woman wearing them
-the leggings under short skirts come-back. i like the gap commercials that show this 'new' look but even though it is a new century and gap has a fun ad campaign, the leggings under the jean skirt is still a bad fashion statement
-the hair don't that's still around..messy in the back of the head and finely 'coiffed' in the front. it's usually frosted to hell.
-I've said it a thousand times...dreadlocks on white people, dreadlocks on white people, on white people...dreadlocks.
-jeans with the cuffs turned up to just below the knee
As the season progresses, I'm sure I'll have more. Until then, Ta ta!
Fashion Cacophony pt. 1
These days, it's quite steamy here in Chicago. As a result, more and more people are out and we're seeing all sorts of interesting fashions on the streets of this fine city. While some of the couture is acceptable, there are lots of fashion scofflaws out there who are, well, a bit touched in the head when it comes to fashion.
Here are a few of my observations..some are good, but some are just..wrong.
Be careful, this may leave a mark.
1) I've gone over this with close friends and I am still in awe of the fact that women insist on getting French pedicures. To me, it looks like they're walking on their hands. Ick. What makes their feet more hand-esque is if a woman is wearing a toe ring avec the French pedicure. Double ick.
2) French manicures/faux nails..especially the ones where the white part is almost as big as the entire nail bed. Oh, there's more. Why a straight edge? Why not a wee bit of a curve? The straight edge makes even the most slim fingers look like stumps.
Plus, everyone has them-it's not an original look. It's just plain bad.
3) While I'm on the subject of fingers, anyone care to comment on those silver mesh rings or bands? They're usually spotted on fingers mentioned in #2. The thing is, these rings/bands are usually on small hands or stubby fingers or small hands WITH stubby fingers. If the finger is small and the ring too big, it makes the hand look like a hobbit's paw. 'Nuff said.
4) More jewelry-the Tiffany silver charm bracelet that's usually worn in tandem with the silver mesh ring. Or, the trifecta-the ring, the bracelet and the matching charm-esque chunky necklace. I get it, you shop at Tiffany's from time to time. Big whup. Why oh why does everyone feel the need to accessorize exactly like everyone else? A little originality please!
5) Now, I'm guilty of this next one. I only wore this item of clothing twice and both times I knew it was wrong, but I..just...kept..on...wearing..it. I guess I was trying to see if I could get away with it and a stolen glance in a shop window on Damen proved that I couldn't. That's why my shrug-sweater-that-ties-right-under-the-breastesses-sprinkled-with-sequins is going to Good Will. No one, except maybe an anorexic A-cup, can wear these things. And, to make matters worse, I looked like a Russ Meyer reject.
It's the female equivalent of the banana hammock for men.
6) Coach. Now, I like Coach products these days. The whole product line is so much more hip and sophisticated than when I got my first Coach bag in high school back in 19-ahem. Yep, I carried it while wearing my Chinos, Polo Shirt (collar turned up, of course) and Sperry (coming about!) Topsiders. (go ahead and laugh, but I'm sure you were sporting quite the mullet back then..or now) My beef is with those who purchase Coach products and insist on leaving the little leather Coach tag on. Now, the bags I can understand to a point, but those who leave the tags on the belts, well, I just don't get it. More importantly, I'm not impressed.
7) I haven't seen any of these since we're now living on Mercury, but for some reason I was thinking about this other day. Maybe it has to do with the fact that my mom is planning on buying a winter coat soon (you know, pre-sales rock!), but no matter what the season, it's still just wrong. Back in January, I was on the Red Line and next to me was this woman wearing a beautiful, deep red cashmere coat. How did I know it was cashmere? No, not by touch. I knew it was so because the lady forgot to remove the thin tag on the left sleeve above the opening that reads "100% Cashmere". Yes folks, that tag is to be removed before you don it that first day of nippy weather. To the lady I wanted to say, sotto voce of course, "Um, hon, you're supposed to cut that little tag off before you wear it." I refrained because I didn't want Ms. Thang to open a can of whup-ass on me before I had to switch trains at Belmont.
8) Prada nylon bags. Why would anyone pay $900 or so for NYLON???
9) Lilly Pulitzer. Please..stop the madness. If you insist on wearing it, stay in Hinsdale or Naperville. Don't trek into the city because it could get ugly- that is if anything could possibly get uglier than Lilly Pulitzer clothing. Oh wait..I forgot about Chico's!
10) Again, I'm guilty of wearing these: Cropped pants. However, while they don't look that good on me (but I am tall so I don't look like I've been cut in half), they don't look half as bad as what I saw during my grad school summer session. A lot of women at City Hall wearing patterned cropped pants. Yes, you read it right. A bad combo. Just think about it for awhile and you'll see the light too.
Ladies, if you're under 5 ft. 5 or have short legs, don't wear cropped pants because they make you look shorter. They do to your height what French manicures do to your fingers (See #2). If you insist on wearing them, stay away from the chunky heeled sandals. Those shoes only add to the tree trunk affect. Clam diggers are worse unless you're actually digging for clams. They have a goofy name for a reason..what about the words 'clam diggers' screams fashion??
Same goes for Cargo shorts..especially the ones that are being worn by the glutally challenged (read: white) male. It's called a belt..wear it, but make sure you take the Coach tag off it first.
coming soon..some good fashion I've spotted as well as more glamour don'ts. Get the black bar ready!
Here are a few of my observations..some are good, but some are just..wrong.
Be careful, this may leave a mark.
1) I've gone over this with close friends and I am still in awe of the fact that women insist on getting French pedicures. To me, it looks like they're walking on their hands. Ick. What makes their feet more hand-esque is if a woman is wearing a toe ring avec the French pedicure. Double ick.
2) French manicures/faux nails..especially the ones where the white part is almost as big as the entire nail bed. Oh, there's more. Why a straight edge? Why not a wee bit of a curve? The straight edge makes even the most slim fingers look like stumps.
Plus, everyone has them-it's not an original look. It's just plain bad.
3) While I'm on the subject of fingers, anyone care to comment on those silver mesh rings or bands? They're usually spotted on fingers mentioned in #2. The thing is, these rings/bands are usually on small hands or stubby fingers or small hands WITH stubby fingers. If the finger is small and the ring too big, it makes the hand look like a hobbit's paw. 'Nuff said.
4) More jewelry-the Tiffany silver charm bracelet that's usually worn in tandem with the silver mesh ring. Or, the trifecta-the ring, the bracelet and the matching charm-esque chunky necklace. I get it, you shop at Tiffany's from time to time. Big whup. Why oh why does everyone feel the need to accessorize exactly like everyone else? A little originality please!
5) Now, I'm guilty of this next one. I only wore this item of clothing twice and both times I knew it was wrong, but I..just...kept..on...wearing..it. I guess I was trying to see if I could get away with it and a stolen glance in a shop window on Damen proved that I couldn't. That's why my shrug-sweater-that-ties-right-under-the-breastesses-sprinkled-with-sequins is going to Good Will. No one, except maybe an anorexic A-cup, can wear these things. And, to make matters worse, I looked like a Russ Meyer reject.
It's the female equivalent of the banana hammock for men.
6) Coach. Now, I like Coach products these days. The whole product line is so much more hip and sophisticated than when I got my first Coach bag in high school back in 19-ahem. Yep, I carried it while wearing my Chinos, Polo Shirt (collar turned up, of course) and Sperry (coming about!) Topsiders. (go ahead and laugh, but I'm sure you were sporting quite the mullet back then..or now) My beef is with those who purchase Coach products and insist on leaving the little leather Coach tag on. Now, the bags I can understand to a point, but those who leave the tags on the belts, well, I just don't get it. More importantly, I'm not impressed.
7) I haven't seen any of these since we're now living on Mercury, but for some reason I was thinking about this other day. Maybe it has to do with the fact that my mom is planning on buying a winter coat soon (you know, pre-sales rock!), but no matter what the season, it's still just wrong. Back in January, I was on the Red Line and next to me was this woman wearing a beautiful, deep red cashmere coat. How did I know it was cashmere? No, not by touch. I knew it was so because the lady forgot to remove the thin tag on the left sleeve above the opening that reads "100% Cashmere". Yes folks, that tag is to be removed before you don it that first day of nippy weather. To the lady I wanted to say, sotto voce of course, "Um, hon, you're supposed to cut that little tag off before you wear it." I refrained because I didn't want Ms. Thang to open a can of whup-ass on me before I had to switch trains at Belmont.
8) Prada nylon bags. Why would anyone pay $900 or so for NYLON???
9) Lilly Pulitzer. Please..stop the madness. If you insist on wearing it, stay in Hinsdale or Naperville. Don't trek into the city because it could get ugly- that is if anything could possibly get uglier than Lilly Pulitzer clothing. Oh wait..I forgot about Chico's!
10) Again, I'm guilty of wearing these: Cropped pants. However, while they don't look that good on me (but I am tall so I don't look like I've been cut in half), they don't look half as bad as what I saw during my grad school summer session. A lot of women at City Hall wearing patterned cropped pants. Yes, you read it right. A bad combo. Just think about it for awhile and you'll see the light too.
Ladies, if you're under 5 ft. 5 or have short legs, don't wear cropped pants because they make you look shorter. They do to your height what French manicures do to your fingers (See #2). If you insist on wearing them, stay away from the chunky heeled sandals. Those shoes only add to the tree trunk affect. Clam diggers are worse unless you're actually digging for clams. They have a goofy name for a reason..what about the words 'clam diggers' screams fashion??
Same goes for Cargo shorts..especially the ones that are being worn by the glutally challenged (read: white) male. It's called a belt..wear it, but make sure you take the Coach tag off it first.
coming soon..some good fashion I've spotted as well as more glamour don'ts. Get the black bar ready!
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