Oct. 24th Horoscope...

From laughsend.net...

Pisces

19 February - 20 March

"The worry you're feeling is unnecessary...because you can't avoid the horrors that await. Electronics and machinery will start to misbehave for you today."

I love this horoscope because it doesn't sugar coat anything--it's all tits-to-the-wind and shit. It says that bad crap happens all the time to everyone and you can't avoid it.

I had a boyfriend once, James Brewer, and nothing bad ever happened to him. Seriously. He was not a risk-taker at all and he believed that by not being a risk-taker, nothing bad would ever happen to him. He just made sure bad things happened to those around him--mainly me. Like the time he dumped me after cheating on me whilst on location in Vancouver. Nice guy.

Not only did anything bad ever happen to him, he was BORING. And he had gray teeth--a result of taking Tetracycline for bad skin from the time he was a gawky teen in Fresno to well in his late-20s in LA. These were the pre-Proactive days folks. Plus, he had those awful leather couches--popular with lesbians and straight bachelors. Then, there was the time he thought I had something to do with the Northridge Earthquake. I know--it still baffles me. Try to wrap your head around that concept but don't think about it too much because you might end up miming on State St. somewhere--probably in front of H&M or Garrett's Popcorn.

Oh, and James thought he resembled Howie Long--um, dream on sweet pea. Nothing like a boring dude with delusions of grandeur. His parents were nice though. I wonder how they are from time to time.

But I digress...

"...because you can't avoid the horrors that await."
This could also mean that I'm going to get sick after my flu shot today. I always, always get sick after my flu shot, usually in the form of laryngitis. Good thing I'm not working right now because it would be bad to be a non-talking reporter. But, it would be fun to talk to a source a la Marceau Marcel. I could do the whole 'caught in a box' routine and 'the leaning up against a post' bit which would result in my untimely demise because, let's face it: Everybody hates mimes.
Plus, I think some of my friends and acquaintances would be happy to not have to listen to me yammer on and on and on so a mute Jules might be a good thing.

"Electronics and machinery will start to misbehave for you today."
I should hope so because that would be in-sync with the rest of my life these days. But, since I'll be a mime soon, I won't need the magical world of electronics and machinery to communicate for me. I can just mime things from now on. Come to think of it, I think James was a mime in a former life.

From Weird Al. The Best Horoscope to Date.

Pisces

Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
-- Weird Al, "Your Horoscope For Today"

Oct. 23rd Horoscope

Let's check out the daily reading from across the pond.

By Mystic Meg of The Sun: for Oct. 23rd.

Pisces, February 19 - March 20

"When someone you worked or studied with in the past makes a surprise appearance, you both feel the attraction.

In all you do today, you have the kind of warmth and understanding, that draws people to you.

Family news, with two links to Australia, will give you a lot to think about."

You know, I thought the Brits were supposed to be all clever n' stuff, but apparently I was wrong. This is about as dull as Mancow Muller.

"When someone you worked or studied with in the past makes a surprise appearance, you both feel the attraction." Oh sure, this kind of thing never happens. Next!

"In all you do today, you have the kind of warmth and understanding, that draws people to you."

Seriously?

I don't have the kind of warmth and understanding that draws people to me. What draws people to me is my wit, my sarcasm, my deep knowledge of all things dark and twisted. If someone is drawn to me because of my alleged warmth and understanding, then they may want to up the Adderall dosage because they've encountered the wrong Julia.

"Family news, with two links to Australia, will give you a lot to think about."
Two links to Australia? What are links? Does this mean I'll be traveling to Australia soon? Moving there permanently? Eating more Vegemite? Or, will Paul Hogan and Hugh Jackman being duking it out for a spot in my apartment? I'd prefer Hugh because he's dreamy and can probably make a mean coffee cake. Paul probably still does the whole 'babe in the woods' routine which is so...tired. For more insight into what the stars hold for you, call one of the frighteningly long numbers listed below. If they don't get the desired result, maybe switch a few of the numbers around and you could get connected to, say, Islamic Fried Chicken in the West End.

Call 09067 524 462 for your weekly Pisces horoscope

Call 09067 524 482 for your monthly Pisces horoscope

Horoscopes for Oct. 21st and 22nd

I won't be posting on either 10/21 and 10/22. Check in on Oct 23rd!
Thanks!
Jules

Horoscope Oct. 20th

pisces
From the Mary-Kate and Ashley website and Astrology.com: Your affinity for music is maxed out today, so it's a great time to dig up new artists or track down older stuff by the folks you already love. If you play or sing yourself, go nuts and see what you come up with.

I must admit that I'm very disappointed with the Mary-Kate & Ashley website. I was hoping for real blog posts from the monkey twins discussing such important topics as why they both look like bag ladies when out in public and why their facial muscles unable to form into smiles. I've never heard either of them utter a syllable. To this day, I firmly believe that their lines on Full House were dubbed in by either by a helium-filled Rodney Allen Rippy or some child reject from the Sid and Marty Krofft studio. Full House was on TV for years and I maybe saw 15 minutes of the entire season because the Olsen Twins freaked me out and I'll never, ever understand why Dave Coulier was given a SAG card or why he's allowed to keep it to this day.

But, back to the horoscope. I could go on and on about the Olsens because there's just so much material there. Perhaps on another day.

"...so it's a great time to dig up new artists or track down older stuff by the folks you already love.'
I don't have the patience to listen to the crap the music companies are trying to shove down our pie holes these days. Really I tried because I love music and am always hoping I'll hear something by a real song writer/musician and not by someone who is thin, pretty and well-produced but is completely devoid of talent or personality. However, I haven't heard anything of the sort lately so I'm sticking with the classics.

"...If you play or sing yourself, go nuts and see what you come up with."
I really don't feel like doing either of these since I've found that spending time in the Elgin Mental Hospital isn't all that it's cracked up to be.