Horoscope Oct. 15th

From The Chicago Tribune for Oct. 15th.
"Today is a 7. Relax and study the material you've been saving for the right time. Finally, you can concentrate."

I don't like today's Pisces horoscope because it's lame, so I've decided to pick and choose from the other signs.

Aries: "Today is a 7. There's money coming in because of your own hard work."
Finally, a horoscope I can get behind! I just want to know when this money is going to appear in my grubby little paws and what the the definition of 'hard work' is. If it entails me drinking Barium or dressing up like a pervy little match girl, then I'm not interested.

Taurus: "Today is a 7. You are determined to get your own way, but that might be a challenge. Use charm, not threats.”
I need to edit this a bit: Use charms AND threats. Now, that's better.

Virgo: "Today is a 7. You're starting to look around for new horizons to conquer."
Gosh, conquering sounds like a lot of work, doesn't it? Naah...I don't want to leave the comfort of my living room so my plan is to conquer the remote control and the dust bunnies under my couch. I'm also too concerned with the goings-on with the Missing Link who lives across the street. His life is a performance piece and shant be missed by yours truly. Plus, the act of conquering sounds like it costs a lot of money. Perhaps I will conquer something when today's Aries prediction comes through.

Capricorn: "Today is an 8. You think you don't care what others think, but of course you do."
Nope, I don't. See, when you get to be my age, you start to care less and less about what others think of you. Life is too short to worry about what someone you know, and probably don't care for all that much, thinks about the decisions you've made and the life you lead. Those are their issues, not yours. Just keep growing that hydroponic pot in your bathroom and cleaning your gun whilst tipsy. It's your life--celebrate it!