A temp's progress

I quit a temp job yesterday.

I now have a list of requirements for working at ANY temp job:

1) the boss is not allowed to pee with the bathroom door open even if the light is out in said room. Boss should move his butt down to the basement where there is a perfectly clean bathroom. OR, better yet, use the sales center bathroom. It's clean, quiet and it has a ventilation fan. Also, it is well-stocked with hand towels and SOAP. You read it right, SOAP. (see point #9)

2) fellow workers are not allowed to take anything off of my desk. That goes for my lunch in the fridge too.

3) I should never have to call and threaten a sub-contractor/vendor, or 'be a bitch' to get them to move quicker. These subs do have other clients and are not going to drop everything even if we are a big client.

4) I am not a maid. Yes, I realize that many women are maids and get paid to do it, but I am not one of them. I don't care if you're Latino and your women clean when you command them to. Good for them.

5) I do not make coffee. I bring my own in. Yes, I am a woman (and I don't need to be reminded when asked to do a 'womanly' task), but that is not a job we're born to do. Make your own damn coffee, if you can read, you can make coffee.

6) Swearing isn't a problem for me. In fact, I don't trust those who don't swear. I just don't like it done in a voice that could crack crystal, in front of others or at me --for no other reason except 'that's just the way you are-a blowhard'.

7) if you have family members who are working with you, you should probably let your other employees know that family members are always right AND can do no wrong--no matter what. Even your septuagenarian, partially deaf father-who is, by the way, a nice man.

8) The C-word is never acceptable. EVER.

9) Wash your hands after the using the bathroom. Is this something that needs to be explained? Really?

10) Workers should throw away their own meal scraps/garbage seeing that the garbage cans are RIGHT NEXT TO THE TABLE.

11) I don't need to be 'turned into a bitch to get what I want' or rather what the boss wants. It's just not in my character and telling me on a daily basis to be 'bitchy' just makes me be nicer to those I'm supposed to yell at. You get more flies with honey.

12) This is important: telling your wife I'm a 60 something lesbian rather than a 40-year old heterosexual woman in order to keep the peace at home, is completely ridiculous. Ludicrous. I don't care how jealous she is, but she has to learn how to deal.

13) Sitting at my desk on days that I am not there is fine. But, if you eat your meals there, throw out the trash (see point #10).

14) Asking me to look up tattoo ideas on the net for you or your homies(your word choice, not mine) is not in my job description.

15) Calling me a 'puta' when I explain that I can't look up tat ideas is unacceptable.

16) Telling me about the 4 DUIs you have and how you're going to 'shoot your lawyer' if he doesn't make the case go away is not something I take lightly especially since you're a convicted felon at the tender age of 24. You were driving while drunk (in a car you stole, mind you). You got caught. It's no one's fault but your own.


17) Suggesting that the reason I am not married to a white guy is because I'm too picky is a just a big bowl of wrong. Telling me that if I were thinner I'd have a white husband. Please..find a tall building and jump off of it. I hear the Sears Tower is perfect for this kind of activity.

18) Telling anal sex jokes that involve the use of Snickers bars is so wrong on so many levels. Oh, and they're not funny. None of your jokes are. One more thing: laughing at your own jokes DOES NOT make them funny.

21) Shutting off a tenant's AC because she's a 'hot white chick who's f*cking an N-word [sic]' to 'punish' her. Well, you should go to jail. Directly to jail since you're a poor excuse for a human being. I was sorry to hear that you have reproduced several times.

22) Reminding me that we live in Chicago when I'm reading the NYT is not clever. I do wish my evil stares could do actual, physical evil.

Now, I am not a perfect employee-far from it. No one is, but there is only so much someone should put up with. Not for any money. Mainly, not for $12/hour.