The Sweat of Colin Firth

I haven't watched "Love Actually" since it was in the theaters but I think it's extremely well made since the original script was about 200 pages-too long for a romantic comedy, or for any type of genre for that matter. Plus, it has Colin Firth and that birdie num-num with the funky name who was in that tsunami film on HBO. Colin..quite the dreamcicle, ain't he? I normally don't go ga-ga over dudes on the big screen, but he's lovely. He's like a Brit version of Dennis Quaid, Ed Harris, Eric Bana, Viggo Mortenson and Barbaro (when he was alive) all rolled into one. I had a friend years ago who worked on "Great Balls of Fire" and told us tales about how people would steal Dennis Quaid's underwear from his trailer. Dennis would attempt to hide his knickers in 'they-wouldn't-look-here' places, but his stuff was always found. Finally, the posted a guard outside his trailer door. I'm sure Mr. Firth's knickers are getting swiped on a regular basis, but not by yours truly.

Also, Keira Knightley is in it and she is desperate need of some food-preferably a cheesecake and/or cheeseburger. She's great but she resembles Skeletor which is quite unsettling. More importantly, Bill Nighy steals the show..as he does in most films he's in.

The Oscars are tomorrow and I don't really know anyone who is nominated. Normally, I know one or two of the editing nominees (both pix and sound), but this year, nada. Also, I don't know of anyone who is going, but my friends who live near the Oscars theater are frustrated by the influx of lookie-loos and press mostly because it's cramming the streets which makes their commutes worse to the local Starbuck's and Hollywood Blvd. Sleaze Fest. At times, I do miss the fun of working on films, but as time passes, I realize I made the right decision to leave..at least that's what I keep telling myself.

Now it's onto human rights and child soldiers. Peace

Stephanie Huls is the coolest girl in the class.

Recently, I covered the Cook County board meeting for a story. Yep, I know, snoresville. Having never covered one of these meetings before, I didn't know what to expect. I do know this though..I'm gonna need a caffeine drip if I ever attend another one of those meetings. But, I did learn lots.

Here's what I observed-
Cook County Commissioner John P. Daley (Hizzoner's little brother) is the boss of the county board. During the summer, I had the opportunity to ask Commissioner Daley a few questions about the John Stroger's appointment of his son, Todd, to run for Cook County Board President in his place. I had never been that close to a Daley family member before so it was kind of intimidating until I was about an arm's length away from him. He's tiny. So tiny, that he had to look up to me when I asked him a question. I'm not that tall, (5'8), he's just that tiny. Plus, he looks just like his late father.

It's patently obvious that Tony Peraica is running for something (duh). Every issue that was brought up, well Tony just had to say something. Hey, he's a politician running for one of the most powerful jobs in the country. Yes, the country. If Cook County was a state, it would be the 17th largest in the nation. The county court and jail system is the largest in the nation. It has a bigger budget than Wyoming, Montana and Idaho-hovering somewhere around $3billion for 5.6 million people.

Anyhoo, back to Tony. He's an interesting guy. He makes wine and is some sort of musician. Plus, he was an orphan in Croatia and moved here when he was a wee one. He's a Republican and here's the kicker, he probably has a chance at winning the presidency. There are enough county residents who are furious at Stroger and Co. for treating their constituents (read: Democrats) like crap and are willing to cast their votes in favor of Peraica, in order to screw over the Todd-ler.

Now, here are a few things about Peraica that many dems are not paying attention to. He's anti-choice and has said on a few occasions that he would probably cut abortion funding at county hospitals. Not good. Also, he's anti-gay, but the Log Cabin Republicans are endorsing him. That, I just don't get and I'm waiting to interview the head of the Chicago chapter of the LCR. When I find out what their reasoning is, I'll let you know. Finally, he's pro-gun. Not a big shocker seeing that he's a Republican and all. I think it's time for the voters to, I don't know, edumacate themselves before they hit the polls on Nov. 7.

Forrest Claypool didn't say a word during the meeting. Not surprising because he's probably still pissed off that he didn't beat John Stroger back in March. I don't blame him. He should've won-he's not as nearly corrupt as John Stroger was or is. (he's still non-compis mentis, right?).

The seats in the chambers are real uncomfy.

It's really hot in the county building.

There are alot of weirdos at county board meetings.

And finally, like the title of this entry says, Stephanie Huls is the coolest girl in the class.

Back to School

No, I'm not referring to that Rodney Dangerfield opus that was shot at my alma mater, but I have returned to school, as a grad student.

It's been years since I've been in school full-time and I've noticed quite a few things during my first week, for instance...kids smoke alot more today than when I was in college. We're talkin' buttloads more. I've never seen anything like it. I can kinda understand the wanting to smoking to stay thin, or rather corpse-like thin, but these days it's ridiculous. Sure, I tried smoking when I was a co-ed. Hell, it looked cool to be an underager in a bar in LA, smoking Camels and sipping Budweiser (cheap beer, didn't know any better, and oh, SHUT UP!). But, when I couldn't breathe during crew practice and that whole pesky asthma thingy, I decided it would be best if just let my Camels loose. As for hooch/maryjane/mother nature's hair, well I plead the Fifth.

Which leads me to my next observation. Kids are fatter-not in any of my grad classes though. Now, I could stand to lose a few pounds too but there are lots of chunky college folks-men and women. Those who are smoking to keep their weight down will probably succeed but I wouldn't be surprised if, by the time they hit 30, they're carrying around an oxygen tank. Always a good look and I've even seen a few tanks with custom made cozies to cover up the obvious tank appearance. Those who are smoking to get thin, well, news flash. It ain't working. All the smoking is doing is upping their chances of having a heart attack. Something to shoot for: a quadruple bypass for a 25th birthday present.

Next would be tats and piercings. Guess it's a generational thing. I'm all for self-expression and some tats are beautiful, but I would have a hard time giving a possible applicant a job if they have tats on their necks and other exposed areas(unless the job is at either a tattoo parlor or record store). Seriously though, what is attractive about the big-ass holes in the ear lobes? Like the ones that mimic the Yanomami of the Amazon? Those indians sport Moe Howard haircuts and tie their wee-wees in slings- both looks I'm glad the youth of America hasn't glommed onto.

I shouldn't be too harsh though since mullets and the Flock of Seagulls haircuts were considered foxy when I was in college.

Computers and all that they represent. Gosh, I really wish we had them when I was an undergrad. The internet would've been a grand thing then, but knowing how much I love it, I probably wouldn't have graduated at all.

Cuter clothes. So much cuter than leggings, long sweaters and pointy-anointy flats. Wait..that look is actually making a comeback. Something we can all do without, except the pointy-anointy flats-I love mine.
Some fashion should remain in the 80s vault and then blasted into oblivion.

Cooler school supplies and dorm decor. I had Marimekko sheets, blankets and towels (courtesy of Crate & Barrel) up the whazoo. Now, there's all this cool crap from Target and Urban Outfitters (a store which made an appearance spring semester of my senior year). Trapper Keepers are a rare siting these days. Instead, there are cool folders with funky colors. Sharpies in every imaginable color. I can't get enough of them. Sometimes I line them up according to color and marvel at the beautiful sight in front of me. That, my friends, is pure heaven.

Textbooks are still silly expensive but it's easier to buy used ones courtesy of eBay and Amazon.

Tuition..oy. It's incredible how expensive school is these days. I didn't believe it until I applied for FAFSA loans. Thanks to our wingnut President and his minions, it's harder to get decent loans. AND, they've cut the loans and grants so there ain't much there to get! Lovely! Makes lots of sense to keep the poor uneducated since they won't have the smarts to figure out how this Administration is screwing them royally. However, I'm pretty sure the poor have an idea of what W is doing.
Another entry for another time.

Time to hit the books. I am glad to see the classics are still around. I have to read Mike Royko's "Boss Richard J. Daley of Chicago". I read this book in high school but it's fun to read it again. Also, I was encouraged to see a student in the bookstore line with two plays by Shakespeare and Kenneth Anger's "Hollywood Babylon" in her pile of books. Glad to see the classics still have a place in this society.

Found: The Scream

Edvard Munch's 'The Scream' has been found today after being swiped from the Munch Museum in Oslo some two years ago. Guess it was found in pretty good condition. Guess it coulda been much worse.

Now, "The Scream" isn't my favorite piece of artwork, but it is a significant piece. I do have respect for it, of course, but that's due to Gary Larsen's (Far Side) "Weiner Dog Art". If you haven't seen it, just picture a weiner dog as the screamer in the picture. The image invokes laughter from even the most serious of art snobs. It's classic and much more interesting than 'Dogs Playing Pool' or that white dude with the afro who paints fluffy clouds and furry green trees.

Personally, I was hoping that "The Scream" would end up, years later at a Flea Market in Blue Lake, California. Someone would buy it for say, 20 bucks and it would hang in some rec room next to a Pabst Blue Ribbon neon sign or on a wall painted to look like Pink Floyd's 'Dark Side of the Moon'.

Now, that's where it really belongs.

A temp's progress

I quit a temp job yesterday.

I now have a list of requirements for working at ANY temp job:

1) the boss is not allowed to pee with the bathroom door open even if the light is out in said room. Boss should move his butt down to the basement where there is a perfectly clean bathroom. OR, better yet, use the sales center bathroom. It's clean, quiet and it has a ventilation fan. Also, it is well-stocked with hand towels and SOAP. You read it right, SOAP. (see point #9)

2) fellow workers are not allowed to take anything off of my desk. That goes for my lunch in the fridge too.

3) I should never have to call and threaten a sub-contractor/vendor, or 'be a bitch' to get them to move quicker. These subs do have other clients and are not going to drop everything even if we are a big client.

4) I am not a maid. Yes, I realize that many women are maids and get paid to do it, but I am not one of them. I don't care if you're Latino and your women clean when you command them to. Good for them.

5) I do not make coffee. I bring my own in. Yes, I am a woman (and I don't need to be reminded when asked to do a 'womanly' task), but that is not a job we're born to do. Make your own damn coffee, if you can read, you can make coffee.

6) Swearing isn't a problem for me. In fact, I don't trust those who don't swear. I just don't like it done in a voice that could crack crystal, in front of others or at me --for no other reason except 'that's just the way you are-a blowhard'.

7) if you have family members who are working with you, you should probably let your other employees know that family members are always right AND can do no wrong--no matter what. Even your septuagenarian, partially deaf father-who is, by the way, a nice man.

8) The C-word is never acceptable. EVER.

9) Wash your hands after the using the bathroom. Is this something that needs to be explained? Really?

10) Workers should throw away their own meal scraps/garbage seeing that the garbage cans are RIGHT NEXT TO THE TABLE.

11) I don't need to be 'turned into a bitch to get what I want' or rather what the boss wants. It's just not in my character and telling me on a daily basis to be 'bitchy' just makes me be nicer to those I'm supposed to yell at. You get more flies with honey.

12) This is important: telling your wife I'm a 60 something lesbian rather than a 40-year old heterosexual woman in order to keep the peace at home, is completely ridiculous. Ludicrous. I don't care how jealous she is, but she has to learn how to deal.

13) Sitting at my desk on days that I am not there is fine. But, if you eat your meals there, throw out the trash (see point #10).

14) Asking me to look up tattoo ideas on the net for you or your homies(your word choice, not mine) is not in my job description.

15) Calling me a 'puta' when I explain that I can't look up tat ideas is unacceptable.

16) Telling me about the 4 DUIs you have and how you're going to 'shoot your lawyer' if he doesn't make the case go away is not something I take lightly especially since you're a convicted felon at the tender age of 24. You were driving while drunk (in a car you stole, mind you). You got caught. It's no one's fault but your own.


17) Suggesting that the reason I am not married to a white guy is because I'm too picky is a just a big bowl of wrong. Telling me that if I were thinner I'd have a white husband. Please..find a tall building and jump off of it. I hear the Sears Tower is perfect for this kind of activity.

18) Telling anal sex jokes that involve the use of Snickers bars is so wrong on so many levels. Oh, and they're not funny. None of your jokes are. One more thing: laughing at your own jokes DOES NOT make them funny.

21) Shutting off a tenant's AC because she's a 'hot white chick who's f*cking an N-word [sic]' to 'punish' her. Well, you should go to jail. Directly to jail since you're a poor excuse for a human being. I was sorry to hear that you have reproduced several times.

22) Reminding me that we live in Chicago when I'm reading the NYT is not clever. I do wish my evil stares could do actual, physical evil.

Now, I am not a perfect employee-far from it. No one is, but there is only so much someone should put up with. Not for any money. Mainly, not for $12/hour.

Coulda

I wish I could...
-hit a one-handed backhand well
-jump like the Bionic Woman
-read minds
-make chapatis
-stop eating sugar cold turkey
-figure out where the phrase 'cold turkey' came from
-perform an exorcism
-wear a strapless dress (my boobs are too big to pull it off)
-live in London
-understand the fascination with "Desperate Housewives"
-have the dulcet tones of Carl Kassel wake me up every morning. Something along the lines of "Wakey Wakey Sleeping Beauty".
-touch John Travolta's butt chin
-write a song as profound as 'Disco Duck'
-get more Elvis Buddhas
-wear actual x-ray glasses
-sew
-understand the allure of Blue Man Group

Things that I love..

cereal for dinner
driving a 5-speed car
cleaning out the lint trap of my dryer
those new VW Jetta commercials with the crashing n' stuff
Chicken Chalupas
my nephew Ben's first tooth
Will Shortz
the Pasadena Freeway
the nightly hermit crab parade on St. John
the Ultimate Fighter
the new Gap commercials-mainly the part where the gal 'spins' from a pencil skirt to a mini. How does that happen?
Claritin Redi-Tabs
skinny dipping
autumn in Illinois
warm days and cool nights..the kind of nights that are good for sleeping
the late Jim Backus
Santa Ana winds
beating the crap out of a heavy bag
patagonia underpants
the word 'underpants'
making strangers laugh
making strippers laugh
chinua achebe
not having to teach film any more
oreos
chinese deco rugs

Fashion Cacophony pt. 2

-dark lip liner over light lipstick..it's still around and that look may prompt me to go on a tri-state crime spree.

-wearing makeup while working out.

-hair extensions that are almost taller than the woman wearing them

-the leggings under short skirts come-back. i like the gap commercials that show this 'new' look but even though it is a new century and gap has a fun ad campaign, the leggings under the jean skirt is still a bad fashion statement

-the hair don't that's still around..messy in the back of the head and finely 'coiffed' in the front. it's usually frosted to hell.

-I've said it a thousand times...dreadlocks on white people, dreadlocks on white people, on white people...dreadlocks.

-jeans with the cuffs turned up to just below the knee

As the season progresses, I'm sure I'll have more. Until then, Ta ta!

Fashion Cacophony pt. 1

These days, it's quite steamy here in Chicago. As a result, more and more people are out and we're seeing all sorts of interesting fashions on the streets of this fine city. While some of the couture is acceptable, there are lots of fashion scofflaws out there who are, well, a bit touched in the head when it comes to fashion.
Here are a few of my observations..some are good, but some are just..wrong.
Be careful, this may leave a mark.

1) I've gone over this with close friends and I am still in awe of the fact that women insist on getting French pedicures. To me, it looks like they're walking on their hands. Ick. What makes their feet more hand-esque is if a woman is wearing a toe ring avec the French pedicure. Double ick.

2) French manicures/faux nails..especially the ones where the white part is almost as big as the entire nail bed. Oh, there's more. Why a straight edge? Why not a wee bit of a curve? The straight edge makes even the most slim fingers look like stumps.
Plus, everyone has them-it's not an original look. It's just plain bad.

3) While I'm on the subject of fingers, anyone care to comment on those silver mesh rings or bands? They're usually spotted on fingers mentioned in #2. The thing is, these rings/bands are usually on small hands or stubby fingers or small hands WITH stubby fingers. If the finger is small and the ring too big, it makes the hand look like a hobbit's paw. 'Nuff said.

4) More jewelry-the Tiffany silver charm bracelet that's usually worn in tandem with the silver mesh ring. Or, the trifecta-the ring, the bracelet and the matching charm-esque chunky necklace. I get it, you shop at Tiffany's from time to time. Big whup. Why oh why does everyone feel the need to accessorize exactly like everyone else? A little originality please!

5) Now, I'm guilty of this next one. I only wore this item of clothing twice and both times I knew it was wrong, but I..just...kept..on...wearing..it. I guess I was trying to see if I could get away with it and a stolen glance in a shop window on Damen proved that I couldn't. That's why my shrug-sweater-that-ties-right-under-the-breastesses-sprinkled-with-sequins is going to Good Will. No one, except maybe an anorexic A-cup, can wear these things. And, to make matters worse, I looked like a Russ Meyer reject.
It's the female equivalent of the banana hammock for men.

6) Coach. Now, I like Coach products these days. The whole product line is so much more hip and sophisticated than when I got my first Coach bag in high school back in 19-ahem. Yep, I carried it while wearing my Chinos, Polo Shirt (collar turned up, of course) and Sperry (coming about!) Topsiders. (go ahead and laugh, but I'm sure you were sporting quite the mullet back then..or now) My beef is with those who purchase Coach products and insist on leaving the little leather Coach tag on. Now, the bags I can understand to a point, but those who leave the tags on the belts, well, I just don't get it. More importantly, I'm not impressed.

7) I haven't seen any of these since we're now living on Mercury, but for some reason I was thinking about this other day. Maybe it has to do with the fact that my mom is planning on buying a winter coat soon (you know, pre-sales rock!), but no matter what the season, it's still just wrong. Back in January, I was on the Red Line and next to me was this woman wearing a beautiful, deep red cashmere coat. How did I know it was cashmere? No, not by touch. I knew it was so because the lady forgot to remove the thin tag on the left sleeve above the opening that reads "100% Cashmere". Yes folks, that tag is to be removed before you don it that first day of nippy weather. To the lady I wanted to say, sotto voce of course, "Um, hon, you're supposed to cut that little tag off before you wear it." I refrained because I didn't want Ms. Thang to open a can of whup-ass on me before I had to switch trains at Belmont.

8) Prada nylon bags. Why would anyone pay $900 or so for NYLON???

9) Lilly Pulitzer. Please..stop the madness. If you insist on wearing it, stay in Hinsdale or Naperville. Don't trek into the city because it could get ugly- that is if anything could possibly get uglier than Lilly Pulitzer clothing. Oh wait..I forgot about Chico's!

10) Again, I'm guilty of wearing these: Cropped pants. However, while they don't look that good on me (but I am tall so I don't look like I've been cut in half), they don't look half as bad as what I saw during my grad school summer session. A lot of women at City Hall wearing patterned cropped pants. Yes, you read it right. A bad combo. Just think about it for awhile and you'll see the light too.
Ladies, if you're under 5 ft. 5 or have short legs, don't wear cropped pants because they make you look shorter. They do to your height what French manicures do to your fingers (See #2). If you insist on wearing them, stay away from the chunky heeled sandals. Those shoes only add to the tree trunk affect. Clam diggers are worse unless you're actually digging for clams. They have a goofy name for a reason..what about the words 'clam diggers' screams fashion??

Same goes for Cargo shorts..especially the ones that are being worn by the glutally challenged (read: white) male. It's called a belt..wear it, but make sure you take the Coach tag off it first.

coming soon..some good fashion I've spotted as well as more glamour don'ts. Get the black bar ready!

Arrogance

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A New Love.

Well, I'm over "Judging Amy". Every sweet episode ever created has passed before my eyes and since the show was so harshly canceled by CBS, I feel that it's too difficult to watch knowing that I'll never really know what happened to Maxine, Amy and the rest of the clan. I'll never know if Maxine ends up with Cheech's character, or if Lauren will EVER STOP TALKING LIKE THAT, or if Amy will run for the state Senate. But, the nice thing that came out of it is that Dan Futterman ("Vincent Gray") wrote an awesome screenplay called "Capote", which is sure to get an Oscar nod in a few months.

Due to this hole in my tv schedule and in my heart, I've had to search for another show to glom onto. Another distraction or background noise that I can have on while I write or clean the apartment. My main criteria are that it has to be a decent show, it's on daily and it has to be a show that has run it's course and is no longer in the first run mode. After much consideration, debate and sleepless nights, I've decided on "NYPD Blue". I have watched an episode here and there to see if it could be a good match for me, but I've never given it the attention that I gave to "Judging Amy".

Now, I know there's disappointment in the room and believeyoume, this decision wasn't easy at all. I spent many-a-night pacing around my apartment and wandering the streets of Ravenswood hoping to get some sort of sign. I even auditioned some shows like "Law & Order" (too many versions and Fred Dalton Thompson), "Charmed" (another Aaron Spelling/Shannon Doherty concoction...Need I say more?), "7th Heaven" (too churchy) and "Elimidate" (oh the humanity!). "NYPD" captured my attention because everyday TNT airs a two-fer. This is good because it takes me a bit to get settled into the story due to the cinema verite camera move and editing. Sometimes it works and sometimes, well, they don't quite hit it. Since I notice every little cinematic detail, I get somewhat incredulous when there's a bad cut, a whip pan that captures a crew member or a boom in the shot and it takes me awhile to calm down. By that time, I may have missed an important story point, but never fear, another episode is coming up within a few minutes or the next day. Phew! I don't lose that much!

I started watching it right after the Victor Sifuentes er, I mean Jimmy Smits's character died, so I am a bit lost. But, I think he was Sipowicz's partner or something and was married to the girl who used to play Jenny on "All My Children". This is good, really. The one thing that worries me is that it seems that those who Sipowicz is close to seem to either die or get real hurt. I hope that won't dampen my enthusiasm. He does seem to get all of the hot women know, which I'm sure I'll either never understand or develop a serious crush on him soon. I'll let you know if I buy any Sipowicz memorabilia.

It's up to you to get used to the world, not for the world to get used to you.

I'm relatively new to this whole teaching thing and I've come across some behaviors that, in my college days, I never would've been able to do. However, today, anything goes. If a teacher tries to instill some sense of personal responsibility and general discipline and being respectful upon his/her students, they're usually rebuffed. Deadlines are laughed at, and complaints to department chairs are a daily occurrence.

What a life today's kids lead! Rewards aren't just for winners, they're for everyone and worse, rewards are expected at every turn. There's a disturbing sense of entitlement among today's college-age students and from the younger set as well. The need to work hard and actually learn something is missing and when it's mentioned, it's laughed at as a past fad. These kids are of the generation where if you just show up for soccer, for example, you get an award. Basically, any action is rewarded, be it on a sports team (even the losing ones) or for doing basic childhood chores that are important for socialization and development. Even in some schools, the use of red pens for grading are verboeten since these pens have earned a bad rep from when Junior's mom or dad received an algebra test back, rife with the vermilion monster. "I just remember how bad I felt about the red ink," I overheard a mom say. "It just made me so ashamed and embarrassed. The other kids laughed at me." Boo-friggin' hoo. So, instead of possibly LEARNING something, the red has permeated her memory instead of motivating her. Now, her mission is to avoid the red-ink massacre for her own kids instead of realizing that hey, they could actually learn something from their mistakes. Those who are in favor of this type of acknowledgement are also in favor of keeping a child's self-esteem intact. Yes, self-esteem is important, but so is learning how to cope with the crap that life hands out ALL THE TIME. Bad feelings are par for the course as is, surprise! Disappointment!

When I was a kid, from grade school through college and yes, beyond, I was encouraged, but not coddled and rewarded when warranted. Rewards were given out when deserved and if I lost, I took my lumps and usually learned from it. I learned to work harder and learned that hard work paired with luck, would hopefully result in some sort of victory.

What has brought this up? I was, in a wee way, reprimanded for ANSWERING A QUESTION about the other college I teach at in class last week. At first, my response was "Of course, I won't mention it." But then, I thought about it for awhile and I started to get angry. Who do these kids think they are? Do they actually believe that every complaint they have is going to work out in their favor? Are they that narcissistic to believe that the world is going to bend to their will? Of course, they do have a right to their opinions, but they have to realize the consequences of their opinions aren't always going to fall on loving ears. In the real world, it's tough. You have to sing for your supper. Especially in the movie business. If you bitch about something you don't like and expect change because you say so, then get used to going to Window A-a lot.

I got out before things got ugly....PT. 1

Meaning, I left the business before I could say I work in an industry that is responsible for catapulting Jessica Simpson to stardom and allowing Deuce Bigelow 3 to be made. First off, why oh sweet Moses why is Jessica Simpson even allowed out of whatever hick state she hails from? This woman has absolutely nothing to offer, except for blond hair (I'm sure the carpet doesn't match the drapes) and her two co-stars. But, besides her physical 'attributes', her stardom is inexplicable. Also, she has a creepy family which is de rigeur for any Hollywood starlet. Just read any new tabloid and you'll see the whole Lindsay Lohan family drama splashed all over the recycled paper pages. Jessica's father is a creepy Russ Meyer version of Henry Higgins who appears to be obsessed with his two daughters (don't worry, Ashlee's not safe from me), is a big Christian, but in every photo with Jessica, he's staring at her rack. Quelle charmante. The kind of relationship all of us gals want with our dads. Something to strive for. But, I digress...What was I talking about? Oh yes, weird families.

That leads me to Ashlee Simpson, the even less talented Simpson sister. Wait. I just saw what I wrote..is that even possible to be less talented than Jessica?? Even some of the rejects from "Uzbekistan Idol" are more talented than Ash. I am at a loss about what to write about her. I can't believe it, but I am blocked.

I think the whole family drama angle is cooked up by PR folks to make us naive Americans believe (the ones who live east of Palm Springs and west of Buffalo) that these starlets are gosh, so much like us! They even have family problems. However, these PR geniuses fail to realize that our families are not trying to scam us out of millions of hard earned dollars earned while making the remakes of "Parent Trap" (a guilty pleasure of mine..the remake) and "Herbie", and yes, "Dukes of Hazzard". Technically, "Dukes" is not a remake, it's a blowup TO the big screen..among other things. You know, come to think of it, I do think my parents are trying to scam me. I mean, my dad wanted to borrow my car to run errands the other day. The nerve! I mean, come on! I don't care if your car is in the shop and your back hurts. Call a cab or better yet, walk! Sheesh! 10,000 steps/day=overall fitness. I just know my mom is trying to scam me out of the last lilac colored Mossimo tank top I bought at Target. I really think she is. She keeps asking if I'm going to return it. Yeah, sure lady. Get your own damn $7 top. Thou shalt not covet thy daughter's clothes.

Back to Hollywood...well, I'll write more later. My mom and I have hired a mediator to help solve who really found that dollar bill on the sidewalk.

questions for a balmy night

Somethings to chew on...
Why?
What is the deal with long denim shorts on men?
How did Jared pay for all of his Subway meals when he was dieting?
Is it possible to walk without knees?
Just what is corn pone?
Why is it necessary to be a child's friend rather than his/her parent?
What is the deal with ear hair?
Why do black women age better than white women?
Whatever happened to Shelly Hack?
Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?
Who's zoomin' who?
Who are these people?
Is there a Visine for everything?
Who's smarter, Dorothy or Toto?
Is it possible to truly think outside the bun?
Exactly what is a shunt?
Anderson Cooper's gay, isn't he?
Are you sure you want to be a nightclub comic?
Is it really that wise to ignore the voices in your head?
Colin Farrell=Gutter Dick: True or False?
Could you name a child Lactose?
If so, would you?
Does anybody get trench mouth anymore?
Why don't you just pull up your pants?

new favorite NEW show and Seals & Crofts

Oh sweet Moses, it is so hot here. So humid too. But, it sure beats January temps. Now, the various smells that are associated with this type of heat are intriguing and kinda heinous. My scent du jour is BO and garbage. Just think about it (and try not to barf). Imagine..... You're on the street, preferably the newly paved Damen Ave right around Lawrence, in Chicago. You happen to mosey by an alley and that little cross breeze catches the ripe homeless guy lingering near the dumpster, then flows towards you at that right moment. Potent! "Summer breeze..makes me feel fine..flowin' like the jasmine in my mind.." Only in a song is that possible unless, of course, you live in So. California.

I've been summoned back to work on "The Break Up" for a few days next week. It's easy money and the editorial crew is pretty decent. There's alot of attention on this film because of Jen Aniston and the supposed relationship with her co-star, Vince Vaughn. All of the gossip rags are filled with pix of the pair with headlines that scream "is Jen in love??" and "She's finally over Brad!" The thing is..Jen and Vince are in a movie together..they play ex-lovers! The photos are publicity photos FROM THE SET PUBLICIST! Put two and two together it equals co-stars! duh! Also, I was in a store last week and blasting from the cheesy speakers in the ceiling was the DJ creaming over the fact that Jen was spotted walking her dogs. I was worried that this woman was going to die from the excitement of knowing that Jen walks her pooches just like regular folks. It's tough living in a celeb-free zone.

Well, I haven't had the opportunity to watch either "Judging Amy" or "NYPD blue" lately due to teaching and life. But, I do have a new fab fav AND it is a new show. Brat Camp. IT's a great ad for birth control or for those folks who are so anti-adoption. I'm not going to go into it too much, because for those who haven't watched it, you need to check it out. Also, I have two words for you that will hopefully lure you to watch it--Phantom Duker. And, yes, it was said with a straight face.

One more thing, Mr. Vaughn is tall and a little on the doughy side.

what is with his hair??

This player in the NBA finals has the funkiest hair. Ben Wallace is his name. These few sentences are the most I will ever write about the NBA. I just don't find it all that interesting.

It's all about storage these days. We need it. I purchased this great pine armoire a few weeks ago. It's a reproduction and far more interesting than the mass-produced stuff and Crate n' Barrel and Pottery Barn. I wanted to avoid buying anything big from either place because everyone buys from those places and as Phoebe said on "Friends" (paraphrasing here), "if everyone buys from those places, then everyone will have the same things." So true, Phoebs, so true. You were the Philosopher Queen of that show. Right now, we are still living out of boxes. It's a real pain and it just looks oh so tacky. Don't really want to have anyone over mainly because of this reason. Anyone who knows me is painfully aware that I like to be the hostess with the mostess.

Started teaching summer school this week. So far, I have a decent group of kids. All seem to be hard working and eager to learn. The class runs from 10-1:50 on Mondays and Wednesdays, and it is tough to think of what the hey to talk about for that long. I show lots of clips and I'm getting real good at the Socratic method. Monday's lecture will be about action/suspense and parallel editing. Oh so thrilling.

About "Judging Amy"..they've started the series over yet again. So, I may have to find a new old show to watch and I must confess that I'm leaning towards "NYPD Blue". I never watched it when it was initially on because it seemed like that every week someone related to Sipowicz died. No one has that kind of karma. Not even an ex-drunk like Andy. But the show is growing on me. I've already seen the episodes where Victor Sifuentes dies and that gal from "All MY Children" is all mopey and stuff since those two were married on the show. Now, he's working with that kid from "Silver Spoons" and he's pretty good. Wasn't he the same kid in "The Champ"?

My next big project is to check out the 2 month old sea otter at the Shed. She'll have all the answers. She must... or..or....

craft services crap

Well, Amy didn't marry what's-his-name because he's a bully and a control freak. She's recovering nicely, however, by dating this other lawyer played by squeaky-voiced, Adrian Pasdar. To make things more wacky, Lauren (Amy's tv daughter) is dating his son. Of course, Lauren (who has this annoying way of speaking..kinda halting and infantile), is absolutely, like, sooo embarrassed by this new development. She wants her own line because Maxine has a new beau, played by Cheech Marin. You read it right. The man partially responsible for Sister Mary Elephant ('hangin' out in front of the drugstore') and 'Beaners' is the latest of suitors to Cagney or Lacey..I forget which one she played. He's a landscape artist who Maxine has hired to help with her garden. This whole scenario is just filled with double entendres...he's 'bringing her garden back to life' which, as we all know, bring her back to life after the whole Jared Duff dirt nap storyline. Oh, and Maxine's son, Peter (marcus giamatti), is playing in a country AND western band with a hot lead singer. Amy and Adrian-whosy-watts AND Maxine and Ignacio (cheech--a real stretch there with the name) all did the line dance thing at the country AND western bar even though they bitched and moaned about it. But, the sexual tension..oh my gosh..was palpable. More soon...

The semester/quarter is over..thank Jah. I'm so burned out with the whole teaching thing it's kinda scary. It's not the actual teaching..it's the not-having-a-fulltime-gig that puts me in a pissfilled mood. To quote the Bard (badly I might add), I am made of sterner stuff, but this spring quarter/semester almost turned me into a meth addict. The politics at both of these schools are just ludicrous. My supervisor has promised to look into why i'm not teaching there in the fall. I told him not to break a sweat over it, but thanks anyways.

They're filming a Will Ferrell film in Chicago and according to the press, you'd think it was the second coming. Please. But, what should i expect from a town where the newscasters are considered major celebs? Yep. even this weeny club owner, Billy Dec, is considered a celeb because he has a club or two (with money put up by his poppa i believe), wears a baseball cap ALL THE TIME, plays the bongos and is 'Friends' with David Schwimmer (who doesn't look you when the eye when he meets and talks to you). Every move this Dec character makes is catalogued by the Trib's Terry Armour. I like Terry..he's great, but get some new material. Mr. Dec is jut not that interesting. I do miss LA for many things..but superficially for the celeb factor. Oh, and Will Ferrell movie had a crappy craft services table. i do feel sorry for that crew for that reason.

Vic Tayback

So, yesterday on "Judging Amy", Maxine's fiance, Jared Duff (the late Richard Crenna) died in China. I believe he really died during his tenure on the show, so instead of digging him up and making some sort of odd 'Dirt Nap at Bernie's", they decided to keep him dead. So, the "Dirt Nap" is not real, honestly. I do like the idea, but something is telling me that wouldn't....quite...work. Hmmm. Go figure. I have to get Bea Arthur interested in something and that idea just seems like the perfect opus for her.

But I digress--They had the memorial service at the coffee shop where Maxine and Jared met. It's also the same shop that Jared gave to Maxine as a wedding present. See, Jared was loaded. A multi-billionaire even. And, Maxine is a social worker..so the marriage probably wouldn't have lasted. I don't know..just a feeling. Maybe it's the drama of the show that gives me the awesome (and at times, not welcome) power to know these types of things. It's a curse really.

This city is finally coming alive. It's finally warming up a bit and folks are out and about reintroducing themselves to the outside. People just seem friendlier. Just the other day, my local Assyrian convenient store owner, said that I was a good lookin' broad. Yes, you read it right. Broad. Now, that's a word you'd expect to hear from Vic Tayback's Mel on "Alice". When you hear it, it's usually tinged with some type of accent from one of the Five Borroughs. You don't expect to hear it with a guttural middle eastern accent. I must admit that I was both taken aback (accent) and somewhat flattered. Somewhat.

Now, the word broad is usually associated with a weathered woman. Not just her looks, but her life is weathered. She's done alot, seen oh so much, just experienced life. Most broads are street smart and many are well-educated. Most of her experiences were memorable-both good and bad. But most of them were like "Ack...I caught Doris cheating at Canasta, so we had to kick out of the group for a few weeks."--the tone of voice is usually sotto voce, maybe or maybe not peppered from years of smoking Kents. This is a sentence that is usually prefaced by brief descriptions of each gal in the group and where these Canasta sessions take place. For example: "Sadie's is the best. It's so bright and sunny and she has the best bridge mix. Of course, she won't tell us where she gets it, (irritated but loving chuckle) but between you and me (wink) I think she gets it at Blommer's. Did you know she graduated from Miami of Ohio?"

Broads are full of love for those they care for and they do have the capacity to love others who are not within their realm. BUT, it does take a special person to break through. The love is neither spoken or even really physically displayed. Broads don't take any crap from anyone. Broads hang out with each other and you either have to be a broad-in-training or a full-fledged broad to hang out with them. Broads can also spot another broad at ten paces. Posers can be uncovered even before a word is uttered. The husbands of broads, at first, watch in wonder as the mere mortals part as their broad wives walk by or enter a dwelling. As the marriage moves along, the husbands usually band together and become close friends. All because of the broad wives.

Now, most of the broads I know are white and black. As for other races, I am sure there are broads too. But, I just know of the two types. Of course, there are famous broads. Some are fabricated for entertainment, but many are real. Bea Arthur by herself is a true broad. "Maude" is a fictional broad. Isabell Sanford is a true broad. You get the idea.

When I was heading back home after my time at the convenient store, I thought about what was said and it's kind of an honor. Being a broad isn't bad. Not bad at all. Maybe I'll mature into one.

I don't know what it is about "Judging Amy" re-runs on TNT, but I am truly hooked. Maybe it's the score by Peter Himmelman, maybe it's knowing the fact that Tyne Daly smells (but is the backbone of the show) which causes me to chuckle when I think about it..I don't know what it is that draws me to the set everyday that I'm not working. Two hours of Amy trying to do the right thing..two hours watching Maxine (that's Tyne's character) trying to save abused children. It's heaven. Maybe I'll figure out the attraction soon, which means all y'all are going to read about it here.

I was let go from one of my teaching jobs yesterday. Actually, I think it was in the works for a while, but I found out by accident. I don't think the powers-that-be ever had any intention of informing me of this decision in person. They left that up to the website and a fellow adjunct faculty member. As well as 'hints' from a fellow faculty member about how he would have to learn the program I was using 'just in case he had to teach it someday',

That's Klassy with a 'k', wouldn't you agree? You see, I teach at a well-known Midwestern university in a major metropolitan area that has just started a field of study that I spent years working in professionally. I liked it. The students were incredibally enthusiastic, the staff eager to get things right. The program has major problems, but that's all due to growing pains. Late last fall, I was told that I was the first in line to run one of the fields of study. Finally, a fulltime gig in something I enjoy doing and most importantly, talking about. The best part, I could get my master's while working there. Pretty sweet deal. Ahh..but not all is as it seems. In the winter, we had major, major problems. Tech-wise. I did everything in my power..but it's kinda hard when you're not fulltime. I was told to figure things out on my own, do what I had to do to make it work--which is fine, I don't mind trying to make things work. I got some support from the associate profs, but not much because they had tech problems of their own. The head of the program was basically unavailable via phone or email. I haven't spoken to him in about 5-6 months. One would think that if there were problems with me, I would've been told and advised. One would think that the head of the dept would go to bat for someone he/she hired. One would think...well, alot of things.

In the long run, I am not upset about not teaching there in the fall. It's a sink or swim situation for most adjuncts. The program does have issues, but it will be fine. There is a lot of talented folks working there and the students are very hard working and decent. Many have what it takes to make a career of it. I do have faith.

However, the way it was handled was real crappy. I expected more from such a well-respected RELIGIOUS school. (don't get me started...) Unprofessionalism--none of us are truly immune, are we?